


....even when we're apart

by yunliu



Series: You make me feel special [3]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Can be read on its own, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Trainee Era, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunliu/pseuds/yunliu
Summary: Every time she sees Nayeon appear on a screen, or in the magazines, or in a newspaper; Jihyo remembers all the times they've spent together.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Series: You make me feel special [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1494512
Kudos: 13





	....even when we're apart

**Author's Note:**

> God, this makes me feel so sad.

She's wearing a sparkling black dress covered in small swarovski crystals. Surrounded by a background of multi faceted diamonds, she still seemed like the only star. Her skin is smothered with foundation. It's as if she's disregarded the concept of pores. 

Nayeon smiles at the camera brightly. Her eyes don't look quite like hers. It must be the gray contact lenses.

When she goes out to the department store, all the televisions are lighted up with her old friend's new music video. Every screen shows Nayeon dancing effortlessly to the beat, so rehearsed to the point it becomes second nature. Her song echoes softly through a lone speaker in the back. If only she could see this. Just two years ago she was crying over a move she couldn't do for their weekly showcase. 

_Look where she is now. You've done well, Nayeon._

.  
.

"Say hi to your new friend," Miss Im cooed, placing Nayeon next to the newborn. "Her name is Jisoo. Play nice." Blinking, she stared at the infant, before reaching out two chubby fingers to pinch the younger's red cheeks. 

Jisoo screwed up her face and began to wail. Her mother scurried over, patting her gently on the back. Miss Im ran back from the garden, annoyed. "Didn't I tell you to be careful? She's still very small, you know!" Toddler Nayeon could only look back with her unproportionally big eyes and babble innocently. 

.  
.

"Hey! Jisoo!" The energetic girl nearly toppled over by hopping through her living room window. Jisoo whipped around from her homework, bug-eyed at the invader. "I think I know what I want to do when I grow up now!" 

Jisoo continued to look at her as if she had grown a second head. As Nayeon began to talk, she took a water bottle off the coffee table as her makeshift microphone. She pranced around, warbling loudly. Then she stopped and posed like a model. She flashed a dazzling, crooked smile at Jisoo. "I want to be a pop star! Just like Boa!" Nayeon exclaimed excitedly, waving her hands about. 

"So?" Jisoo asked, raising an eyebrow. "How do you become one in the first place?"

"Good question," Nayeon replied. "I'll show you how."

Citing a school project, the two preteens left the house early afternoon to take a train to the audition. Nayeon had carefully applied eyeliner and some lip tint she stole from her mother on the way. Jihyo ended up here, (somehow) as moral support. 

Three people were seated at a table, all with clipboards and pens. They all had straight faces and unmoving expressions. Nayeon clutched tightly onto the paper of the number she was given, and went forward to sing a song. From the corner of her eye, she could see Jisoo tensing as she watched her good friend intently. She put a hand on her middle of her chest and plastered a bright smile on. Once she was done, the staff did not say anything. 

"Is that the last one?" Jisoo widened her eyes. Nayeon and the younger exchanged a quick glance. She shrugged and got up, although without a number of her own, she auditioned anyway. 

The next week, they both received an email from JYP Entertainment. 

"Jisoo! Jisoo-ah, we got in!" Nayeon was practically jumping with excitement, hugging the younger excitedly. Jisoo, confused, only hugged Nayeon back. _This wasn't a part of the plan_ , she thought. "Let's debut together!" 

.  
.

Admittedly, the first year of being a trainee was already exhausting. They had already had to settle a personal deal with their parents, then they could sign their trainee contract. And then Nayeon had to prepare for middle school school entrance exams, so she became busier than ever, juggling life at the company and school. 

The cheery girl took everything into her stride. It wasn't uncommon to see Jisoo staring at her bug-eyed as Nayeon flipped through her notes halfway through dance practice. Sweat would be falling into her eyes, but she would read studiously regardless of the stinging sensation. Her determination, frankly, scared Jisoo a little. _That'll be me in less than two years._

The girls struggled through trainee life together. Jisoo found comfort in the older, as she experienced the struggle of being a high school student before she did. She learnt from Nayeon, and could adapt better later. 

There were many times when she struggled to see why she should continue. She watched her fellow trainees leave gradually, dropping out of her life as if they were never here in the first place. These were people who she'd grew up with. Only the memory of an twelve year old Nayeon's sweet, smiling face made her remember the sole reminder why she had began this in the first place. 

Nayeon was a moon in the endless darkness, glowing reflection kissing the night river with just a little light. Just enough for her to feel full. 

.  
.

Then, finally, it felt like Jisoo was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. On the eve of her eighteenth birthday, it was announced that they would be members of a girl group, and debut at the end of the year. All her pain was worth it. 

After practice, Nayeon and Jisoo stayed back to dance around more. The younger attempted to cover choreography from a 2PM song, glaring at the mirror fiercely. 

Looking on with a small quirk of her lips, Nayeon hummed to herself, mind somewhere else. Jisoo stopped her aggressive dancing. She placed her arms on her hips. What was up with her recently?

First, Nayeon would hide her phone every time Jisoo peeked at it. Which was annoying, although they knew each other's passwords. Jisoo didn't feel comfortable with the idea of invading her privacy. If there was anything important, she would know of it at Nayeon's own time, she decided. 

Eventually, she did. And it was so out of character for her. 

"I have a crush on someone," Nayeon had sighed giddily. "You know Younghyun, right?" The younger was in the middle of doing her homework. She nearly dropped her pen onto the floor. 

"And he asked me out!" Nayeon half shouted, ears pink. "He could like me back." Her voice turned sickly sweet. 

It made Jisoo sick to her stomach. A surge of protectiveness rose up in her. She turned to her friend's beaming face; the pink in her cheeks, the little smile that lit up her face as she watched her phone. Has she ever smiled like that, before? To her? 

"Dating someone? Are you stupid?" The words leave her mouth harsher without even thinking. This was more than righteous anger, she would realise later. Nayeon's face fell at once. 

Jisoo slapped her lightly on the arm. "If you get found out you're dating someone, our debut could be delayed! Isn't it all you ever wanted?" She turned away, not bothering to see the other's reaction. "All this because of some boy!" She hissed out the last word like a vulgarity. 

Nayeon's jaw fell open. Tears welled up in her big eyes. "I promise I'll keep it a secret," she whimpered. "I'm sorry. I just want to date for a while, like anyone else, you know? I'm sorry for being so selfish." She brought her knees to her chest, letting out a loud sniffle.

She could never stay mad at her. 

She loved her dearly, after all. And Jisoo realised with a cold shock, that she the love for her was more than those between friends. 

Jisoo went up close, and wiped her tears away. But she felt sorrowful as well, even though she did not cry. 

Instead, she went home, lay on her bed, thinking for a long time. Imagining Nayeon talking to Nayeon in the local café a little while's away from the company building. Imagining her hugging him excitedly like how she loved to do with Jisoo. 

Maybe tomorrow she should go and take up Mr Jinyoung's advice up, to change her name. He said she'd need it, since her name was too common in showbiz. Her mother said she had considered Jihyo as a name for her. That wouldn't sound so bad. 

Yes, she wouldn't mind that. Jihyo Park. Let that be a reminder of herself the change she wanted to make. 

"Nayeon?" No answer. 

Yet the call continued. A loud sob erupted from the other side of the phone, followed by countless more. She had tried to speak in the midst of her crying, but she could only hiccup loudly. Then silence. 

"Better?" Now her voice was softer, gentler. 

Another sniffle. "Better. 'M sorry." 

They didn't speak about Younghyun again. He debuted with in band five months later. The older girl always kept that keychain he had given her since then. 

Jihyo had thought about throwing it away when Nayeon wasn't aware...but she could never do that to her.

.  
.

Jihyo returned to see a letter in her locker, addressed to her from another trainee who was in the debut group with her. If was a goodbye letter. She said she couldn't waste her life away here if she had to wait for so long. Jihyo stared at the neat straight lines of her handwriting for a bit and imagined her own handwriting instead, her own hand forming the loops.

 _[One new text from Nayeooon🌹]_  
_Let's go to our usual spot for lunch?_

 _[One new text from Pd-nim]_  
_Your debut has been cancelled in the meantime because three members left. They'll be a meeting after training toda_

_.  
._

__

__

She ran her hand along the gritty wall, feeling the roughness underneath her palms. They used to try and eavesdrop on the older trainees' rooms, to see what they're competing with for the month's evaluation. Pulling back slowly, she breathed out a weak laugh. 

God, she'd miss this so much. 

.  
.

_Nayeon, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving JYP. I hope you will understand. You are my very good friend but I know that you will succeed without me. I hope you_

Jihyo placed her pen down. The top of it was worn from her nibbling on it. Initially, she had tried to think about the whole structure of the letter in her head. She stopped at one word and couldn't think of anymore. I mean, she had trained of half her childhood away, for nothing. 

The door opened with a small creak. Hurriedly, she crushed the letter up into a ball and shoved it deep into her bag. "Jihyo," Nayeon greeted cheerily. "Ready to go?" That new name no longer seemed foreign anymore, but the reminder it brought was a great weight in her bag. 

"Oh? I didn't expect you here." Getting up, she dusted herself, picking up her bag. "Mom must have let you in, right? Let's go." 

Nayeon purposely bumped her own shoulder into Jihyo's, smiling brightly when the younger met her eyes. "So. What were you up to, after finals no less?" 

She turned away, looking at the floor. "Just some thoughts I penned down. It's something I do a lot, recently." Unaware, her gaze flittered to the keychain on Nayeon's bag. 

The two sat down at the bus stop. Fondly, Jihyo held her necklace up to see. It had been a gift from her younger sister when she had become a trainee; a small crescent-shaped locket hung off the chain. To send luck her way every evaluation, or win her favour with the trainers. Jihyo didn't believe in luck, but maybe it would be good to wish for some this time. 

Buildings and greenery seemed to blur together into a palette of colours behind the window. It was difficult to concentrate on the scenery like how she normally did. She relaxed, letting her hand slip into her friend's own. How long had it been since they had went out?

This might be one of their last times together. 

As usual, the café was rather quiet. They found seats quickly and ordered something to drink. Nayeon hummed a tune to herself while she adjusted her blouse. It gave Jihyo an unsettling feeling of normalcy-- as if there was nothing ominous in either of their futures. 

"I need to use the washroom," Nayeon announced, getting up. "Wait, do you have an extra hair tie? I need one." 

The younger pushed her bag towards her. Its zipper was already undone. "Sure. Hold up, I need to go to get an extra fork." Jihyo left. 

After she had went and came back, the rest of the meal was uncomfortably silent. Nayeon would stare off into space more, stabbing a slice of potato too hard with her fork, bumping into the corner of her plate and making a sharp, unpleasant noise. In an uncommon display of annoyance, Jihyo glared at her, frustrated. She'd wanted this time to be memorable at least. She poked her in the shoulder to get the older's attention. 

Angry, Nayeon dropped her cutlery with a loud clink. "Have you been hiding anything from me?" "What?" Her voice sounded foreign even to her own ears. She could hear her heartbeat in her throat. "Where is this coming from--what--" "Don't play stupid with me, please," Nayeon pleaded, trying to sound more calm. " _Nayeon, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving JYP?_ What the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

Jihyo felt her blood run ice cold. She looked up at her, horrified. She read the letter. _I didn't plan to confront her like this..._ The girl absently dug her nails into her palms. 

"Were you going to leave that letter and never tell me? Is that it?" Nayeon spat. "Just like that, all of our years spent together? Why didn't you tell me?" 

Jihyo shakingly grasped her skirt, bunching it up in her sweaty hands. "Listen, I... I didn't know what to tell you," she gasped. "We had trained for so long, our dream was so close, but you could only carry me so far. I never wanted to be a superstar, I only wanted to continue to be with you." The girl felt hot tears build up behind her eyes. "I loved you dearly, Nayeon. That was the only reason why I stayed. I can't be selfish to myself any longer and stay in a boat that is sinking." 

It was becoming gradually harder to speak with all these choked up tears. "I-it's fine if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I understand." 

Nayeon walked over to crush her into a hug. "You're so silly. Of course I understand. We've been friends from the womb. I'd never let you go, even if we go onto different paths." She rested her hand on Jihyo's head, brushing her hair with her fingers. "Be happy now, Jisoo." And then Jisoo buried her face into Nayeon's shoulder, crying this time. She looked up in the midst of her tears; Nayeon's face were streaked with them too. Carefully, carefully, Nayeon reached out to wipe her tears despite her own. Just like how she always did, back when they were little. Jisoo lost Nayeon, but she found herself that night. . . 

For a few months or so, leading up and a little after her debut, Nayeon's phone was taken away to focus on preparation. So Jihyo had barely been able to talk to her amidst all the chaos. She really didn't mind. Finally, her friend's dream would be coming true. 

Unsurprisingly, the company had chosen to debut her solo. Nayeon is skilled at both singing and dancing, and no upcoming girl groups were going to be debuted anytime soon. Besides, her stage presence is a force to be reckoned with. She outshined the younger trainees when performing together. It only made sense to go into the entertainment industry on her own. 

Due to her previous connections with JYP, Jihyo managed to wrangle a coveted ticket to Nayeon's debut showcase. Her entrance had been awaited for a while now ever since she had participated on a few variety shows. Actually? Jihyo was excited. 

When she entered the building, she was greeted by numerous large posters of Nayeon's smiling face, accompanied by smaller text announcing her debut day. Although she appeared very different, the same radiance was there, even in her pictures. 

Jihyo watches with amusement as many fans went ahead of her, all clutching a gold glowstick covered with glitter, matching the colours of her teasers. 

She excitedly watches, waving her own light slowly. Everyone in the hall could only look towards the stage, the only source of light in the dark place. It is still empty. 

The lights dim. The rumble of fans, anxious for Nayeon to finally make an appearance, makes Jihyo's heart rate jump as well. 

"Everybody, please welcome her to her first stage-- the one and only Im Nayeon!" 

She comes from behind, hesitantly, dressed in a pink silk top with flowy translucent sleeves and an even more pink sparkly pair of shorts. Her hair is tied back in a low ponytail, stray hair carefully styled, framing her face prettily. Nervously, she looks down at the stage a bit. The crowd cheers in encouragement. 

And then she smiles. 

(The whole world seems to light up.)

The MC ushers her to the centre of the stage. "How do you feel, Miss Nayeon?" He pushes the microphone into her hands. 

"I feel wonderful," she admits, to Jihyo's delight. "I am surprised at how many people have turned up to support me. It makes me so happy. Thank you, everyone." 

"Now she will start off her showcase with a performance of her title track, Feel Special!" A handful of backup dancers hurriedly head onto stage, all dressed in silver. Nayeon quickly runs into place, closes her eyes and lowers her head with a solemn expression, holding up her hands into position. 

"You make me feel special," the speaker booms. Nayeon begins to move. 

.  
.

Jihyo spots many backup dancers congratulating Nayeon backstage with hugs and kisses. From the corner of her eye, she spots Younghyun waiting at the side with a black face mask on, clutching a bouquet of flowers. The sight makes Jihyo's heart twinge. 

The older's face blooms into a beautiful smile at Jihyo. "Congratulations on your debut," she greets. Nayeon wraps her arms around her, hugging her happily. 

"Gosh," Nayeon says when they pull apart to look at each other. "I was so terrified. But I looked into the crowd, and I imagined you were there, cheering me on. I missed you so much." 

"I missed you too," Jihyo replies, also smiling. "You did so well out there, Nayeon. I'm so proud of you." 

She awkwardly turns behind, casting a glance at Younghyun. Similarly, he stands there without a word. "I should go," she says, good-natured. "He's waiting for you." 

And as she leaves to see the couple warmly embrace each other, she feels more comfortable now. Thinking of Nayeon comforts her still, to know that they would always want to be there for each other no matter how busy life got. 

_I'll be happy, even when we're apart. Even when we can't see each other. Even if we can't talk to each other. The very fact that you care about me so much is already enough for me. Thank you for always making me feel like I mattered. That I was never a burden to you._

Every time she sees Nayeon appear on a screen, or in the magazines, or in a newspaper; Jihyo remembers all the times they've spent together, even now when they're apart. That's more than enough, to keep her heart whole. And even as they venture down their own paths, they continue to be there for each other in spirit, just like how they always were.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Expect Michaeng next <3 The plot I've thought of is a little wild, so let's see how that goes.


End file.
